Planning for Next December (really, it's worth it)

Our nervous systems are incredible. They are constantly aware and helping to keep us safe. Even when things don’t make sense.

Beneath our awareness, our autonomic (automatic) nervous system is constantly giving us signals of when we need to move forward or step back, fight or run away, when we are safe enough to let down our guard, when we should move toward another person or away, etc. We aren’t in control of this—it’s doing it for us, and we are just responding to it.

There is a concept called neuroception that Steven Porges, developer of Polyvagal Theory, coined. I’ve been taking a deep dive into this work, which is giving names to things I know but haven’t seen defined before. Through neuroception our nervous system is constantly assessing threat and adjusting our internal responses, before it reaches consciousness. I like how Deb Dana defines it here in her book Anchored:

“Intuition is our ability to know something without thinking about it or using facts to understand it. We can think of neuroception as our autonomic intuition.”

It’s that gut feeling when we just know something isn’t right.

I had a patient recently who shared her birth story. We worked together throughout her second pregnancy, and she did a beautiful job choosing the birth team and setting that she wanted. She was prepared for a homebirth — terrified of a hospital birth, really, after an emergency cesarean with her firstborn — and using that fear to mobilize and empower her to do everything she could to facilitate a safe and healing homebirth.

Several hours into laboring at home, she told her midwife she needed to go to the hospital. The midwife checked her and told her everything was fine, everything looked good. But she knew differently. She couldn’t explain why, but she knew she needed to go to the hospital.

Shortly after arriving, she was wheeled into the OR for an emergency cesarean. The homebirth she dreamed of would not have been possible with how her baby was positioned. And she knew, even though it didn’t cognitively make sense. There were no external signs of danger, but her body was telling her something was wrong.

Through neuroception, she knew she and her baby were not safe.

Decembers are always hard for me. I’ve had a couple of medical traumas in the past and I always just say “my body remembers it.” Seventeen years ago I was hospitalized with a collapsed lung, and 15 years ago I had a seizure while at work. (Which means I’m 15 years seizure-free—yay!). As I learn more about neuroception, this feels like the explanation of why I feel some sort of way in Decembers. My nervous system is sensing the environment—maybe the weather shift, the holiday music, the turning of the calendar—and sensing threat. I have less capacity, and am more easily overwhelmed. My body remembers something.

I have to give big credit to past me for preparing this year. My calendar all year has had “Dark December” scheduled all of December. I put that on my Google calendar last year. Because in the past, December always snuck up on me. Like when you’re cranky and don’t know why and then you start your period and are like “Oh, that’s what it is!” That’s what December has been like.

But I did myself a favor this year and planned ahead. I have no coaching launches planned, no workshops, and nothing outside of clinic/office hours. If something doesn’t sound fun or exciting, I don’t say yes to it. January’s MotherCircle is full because I did that work in November, and I’ll be ready to start it after the calendar turns to 2025.

I gave myself the gift of a calm December in preparation for how I thought I might feel.

Another thing I did for myself was schedule emails. I got one last week reminding me to get a babysitter for New Year's Day so that my partner and I can do some dreaming and scheming for the year ahead. We forgot to do that last year, so I wrote myself an email and scheduled it for December 1st. Thanks again, past-me.

This is my invitation to you this month:

Listen to your body—what is it saying to you? Do you feel anxious? Is your heart fluttering? Do you feel the rush and hustle of buying Christmas gifts and making holiday plans?

Or do you feel calm and settled, easing into the darkness of winter?

Notice how you’re feeling throughout these days and set yourself up for success next year. If you did your Christmas shopping in October this year and it felt easeful, schedule yourself an email for next October to buy Christmas gifts.

If you also desire a dark December or a week off, whatever it might be, put that on your calendar now. Go to into your online calendar or write it in your paper planner. Plan ahead. Future You will think Past You.

Ps. I have The Moon is My Calendar 2025 New Moon Journals in stock again! The first new moon is December 30th so hit reply if you want a new copy this year. If you are looking for a new way to get in touch with your body and learn about cyclical living, this is a great place to start! Email support@drmandimurtaugh.com to purchase.