Presence, Courage, and Pleasure

Be present.

Have courage.

Seek pleasure.

These were the intentions I set before embarking on a recent trip to Costa Rica with my best friend from childhood. It was my first time so far away from my nearly-two-year-old, and actually my first time going on more than a road trip with a girlfriend.

I usually have some sense of what I want out of a vacation—in the vein of “I want to be off my phone” or “off the grid” or “don’t think about work.” It’s often set as a negative—don’t be on social media, don’t drink too much, don’t eat too much, etc.

I’ve never set these kinds of positive intentions before, never really sat down to feel deeply what I wanted to get out of the time away. What I want to do in order to receive what there is for me.

These intentions became a mantra for me.

The 3-hour shuttle drive from the airport to our resort extended past sunset and into the dark. The roads were wildly bumpy, and as I felt more and more overstimulated and nauseous (despite donning my noise-cancelling headphones and sunglasses), I naturally wanted to be anywhere but in that vehicle. Instead of wishing myself to the resort or the airport or home or the future, I found my mantra: Be present. Have courage. Seek pleasure. I found the pleasure of the soft warmth where my legs were crossed. I focused on that sensation and breathed it in. I found my courage to know we were safe. I stayed. And the trip ended.

We had spa treatments scheduled during our first full day at the resort. We had spent the noon hour on the beach, basking in the equatorial sun, so when I looked at the spa menu, the Cooling Treatment sounded delicious. I hadn’t accounted for the fact that the room would be air conditioned. Understand me—I am not complaining about a bougie spa treatment at a resort in Costa Rica—I was so grateful and privileged to be there. Aaaaaaaand when she started pouring a concoction of chilled aloe vera and cucumber over me and covering me with banana leaves (again—in the air-conditioned room), I had to find courage through the shivers to not jump off the table. I did my best to stay present, embracing the experience that I can only imagine may have similar benefits to a cold plunge; I found a space in my belly that still felt warm and focused on that pleasure. The treatment ended with a warm shower, and I laughed with the woman treating me as she emphatically called it “una experienca!”.

On our third day, we woke early to take a tuk tuk to the headquarters of a zipline company. We got geared up in harnesses that went around our thighs, waist, and shoulders, and hopped in the back of a military truck that took us up a mountain, through a river, and under trees with monkeys watching us go by. As I donned my leather gloves and let a guide attach me to a cable slung across the rainforest canopy, oh did I have to find my courage. I was terrified. And I leapt. I felt the pleasure of the wind in my face, yelled so very loud, and took in the beauty all around me, the thrill, the adventure. My mantra was with me still.

I was present. I basked in moments of rest, calm, and joy with my friend. I was just so content, no matter what we were doing—or not doing. I found I didn't even want to read the one book I brought, because it was such a "take me away" kind of story (yes, it was part of the Twilight saga, if you're wondering).

I had courage. I did things outside of my comfort zone—even leaving Sky home with his dad to go on this trip was a stretch for me. (Yes, I missed him. But it was so very lovely to not have to worry about him for a few days.)

I sought pleasure. This came in the form of amazing meals full of plantains and papaya and pineapple and so much gallo pinto, fruity cocktails, and coconut water right out of the fruit. In downdogs and savasana, basking in sunlight and walking along dirt roads. In sitting in the ocean and on horseback and swinging in a hammock. Listening to the birdsong in the morning and the howler monkeys at sundown.

And while I couldn’t take most of this experience home with me, I can still keep these intentions as I re-join the current of life here at home:

Be present.

Have courage.

Seek pleasure.