50 Things I Learned in my 30's

 It’s my 40th birthday today.

As one does on a milestone birthday, I’ve been reflective lately, looking back on the past decade and looking forward to what’s to come. Last week I would have told you that my 30’s were all about trying to start a family. While that’s true (we started TTC when I was 30, and Sky was born shortly after I turned 38), making this list made me realize how much more this decade held.

I spent my 20’s being a good student, a good daughter, and learning to be a good wife.

In my 30’s I started to learn who I am as a Woman, as Myself, and eventually as a Mother. I wonder if I would have had a baby when I had planned, I might have skipped the whole learning who I am part and just skipped straight to my role as a mom. I would have missed a lot.

So here is a list—incomplete and in no particular order—of 50 things that I learned in my 30’s:

1.     “I can’t afford that” is a disempowered lie; instead, I’ve learned to own that I choose what I do or don’t spend my money on. If I want something that costs a lot, I choose if I want to save for it, even if it takes a decade.

2.     I can work less than 40 hours/week.

3.     I am not for everyone, and everyone is not for me. #nocompetition

4.     Shine Theory: Instead of getting jealous when I see another woman shining or doing what I want to do, I try to get close to them.

5.     I don’t have to follow anyone’s rules.

6.     I can trust my gut. In fact, I need to trust my gut. She has never failed me.

7.     My body is good. No matter her shape or size or weight. It is good.

8.     You can’t always get what you want if you just work hard enough.

9.     I am not infertile. But I needed the help of science and doctors to have my child.

10.  I am fucking strong.

11.  My body has never failed me.

12.  I can choose when to keep fighting for something and when to walk away. I am not a victim of my circumstances.

13.  In an unwinnable game of tug-o-war, I can choose to stand my ground and put down the rope.

14.  I don’t have to wait until I [fill in the blank: have a kid, get another certification, have more experience, etc.] to start something.

15.  The Universe is in fact conspiring in my favor.

16.  It’s ok to have friends for a season then part ways.

17.  Therapy is just so good.

18.  It is ok for my partner to disappoint me; it’s ok for me to disappoint my partner.

19.  I can choose me first.

20.  Everything is temporary.

21.  Stillness serves me.

22.  Yoga doesn’t have to be done for 60+ minutes at a studio in a class in expensive leggings; it can be done anywhere for any amount of time in whatever I happen to be wearing.

23.  Yoga is so much more than just a form of exercise.

24.  I am worth so much more than I ever thought.

25.  Vulnerability is a gift.

26.  It is ok to ask for help.

27.  People want to help.

28.  Life is not fair.

29.  Parenting is harder than I expected, and easier than I expected, and so much better than I ever expected.

30.  When it feels like I am paddling upstream, I stop and ask myself if I’m on the right path. I’m usually not. So I stop and wait till I find the flow again.

31.  Try things. Even if you fail, you’ll learn something.

32.  The life/death/life cycle is all around us, everywhere, every day. We can learn so much from paying attention to it.

33.  I was complete before I had a child. I am somehow even more complete now.

34.  Movement is medicine, and doesn’t have to look a certain way.

35.  Instead of restricting what I eat or drink, I can ask myself: how will this nourish me? and make choices from there.

36.  I am inherently good.

37.  I can feel my feelings without them overtaking me. I can sit in my sadness/grief/anger/overwhelm and trust that I will be ok.

38.  I don’t have to fix everything; sometimes I just need to listen.

39.  Setting boundaries serves both parties.

40.  Both/And: I can be happy for someone and also jealous. (Two things can be true.)

41.  Resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.

42.  The loneliness of infertility is in the fact that no one else can see the loss of what could have been every cycle, over and over again.

43.  It’s ok to walk away from what you thought was your dream. It’s ok to take a break from your calling.

44.  It’s ok to sit at home in my sweats while I am bleeding. It’s ok to slow down during that phase of my cycle. My energy will return.

45.  I gain nothing by comparing my hard things to someone else’s hard things. My hard is the hardest hard for me. (roughly based on something David Kessler said in a Brene Brown podcast)

46.  The world keeps going when I am incapacitated. It really does. Which means it’s ok to take a break sometimes too.

47.  Epsom salt baths are medicine.

48.  It is not enough to talk about trauma; you have to treat the body & nervous system too.

49.  It is not enough to treat the physical body after trauma; you have to address the psychoemotional parts too.

50.  I can ask for what I want.

 (I can’t wait to see what my 40’s have in store for me…)

Does any of this resonate for you? Share in the comments what you’ve learned in the past decade!