On Mother’s Day

Motherhood takes so many forms. Why am I stuck on feeling like I need to carry and birth my own child naturally to be fully known as woman and mother?

In the course of one week this winter I talked with several women on different paths.

One was totally into the thought of being a mother, but not at all interested in carrying her own; we discussed surrogacy.

Another was waiting for her partner to say they were ready to foster-adopt.

A third was single and considering foster-adoption as well.

Then another was navigating the ups and downs of life with a newborn, who was conceived via IUI with donor sperm.

All this was while I was preparing to start IVF, and still grieving the fact that I hadn’t been able to conceive on my own, after 6 years of trying.

Not one of those women were talking about becoming a mother the way I envisioned that I needed to. Maybe there isn’t anything wrong with me. Maybe the point isn’t how you come to it. Maybe the point isn’t even holding my child. Maybe it’s more about knowing that I am already a woman, I am already complete, though always and forevermore becoming.

Motherhood is all of these things.

I am a mother, though I’ll never meet the child I carried.

I have birthed a business, and too many creative endeavors to count. I am constantly creating. It is not the same as pregnancy and raising a child, but it is the same energy that I put forth into the world. It is still beautiful.

There is no guarantee that IVF will result in a child in my arms, but I know already that I am fully Woman, and forever a Mother. I’ve done a lot of work to get to that point of knowing.

I’m not done with that work.

If you’re in the midst of that work yourself, I see you. It’s hard. But it’s worth it.

Motherhood looks like so many different things. All beautiful. All right.

What does it look like for you?

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you, in all your beautiful forms.